Entertainment: Gleeful Highlights

I'm still humming and quoting stuff from this episode, but I don't want to spoil anything.

Those naughty gleeks post a video of Sue Sylvester danxing to "Let's Get Physical," and Sue reveals something more incriminating: the "glist," the hotness quotient of the glee club members, a list based on number of sex acts of each gleek. Rachel somehow has a negative 5, but she doesn't even fare the worst: Tina, Mercedes, Kurt, and Artie don't even make the cut. That stings. (P.S. Jesse St. James seems to know too much about Olivia Newton John videos. And ballet. I'm just saying.)

• I love the theme of finding a song with a bad rep and rehabbing it, but um, Mr. Schue, I thought we agreed you wouldn't rap anymore? However, "Ice, Ice Baby" gets a pass, because it got everyone out of their seats and dancing (sorry, Artie).
• Molly Shannon has checked in! She's Brenda Castle, a former alcoholic sent to teach astronomy, badminton, and square off with Sue. Her time this week is brief, but precious.
• Back with the crew left of the glist, Kurt and Co. try to finagle a way to tarnish their reputations. Brittany wants in to get into the top three, which gifts us with her quote gem of the week: "I took all my antibiotics at the same time and now I can't remember how to leave." Kurt proposes a storming of the library, er, "gettin' your glee on in the stacks," and then we're treated to a performance of "U Can't Touch This," aka the scene that played on my TV over four times. Sadly, the librarian just calls them cute. Oh, and Brittany? Who knew that McKinley High's most random quote machine is such a fierce dancer?



• Over on Sue's Soft Side, the feared Cheerio coach talks to her sister about being taunted about her Internet fame. It leads her to finding someone who's worse off: Emma. Her "help" comprises telling Emma what Mr. Schue has been doing — I mean, who. Honestly? I'm glad his dalliance with Shelby came back to haunt him. The upside is that Emma gets to borrow Sue's, ahem, pair, and confront Will. "You're a slut, Will," she repeats until she's good and done. I know I'm supposed to think she went overboard, but all I want to do is pat her on the back.
• Rachel, disappointed with her low standing on the glist, enlists Artie to help her move her name up (their awesome exchange includes Artie saying, "I'm gonna stop you. You had me at sex tape."). Her plan is to make a short film of "Run Joey Run," and we revisit Rachel and Puck's relationship — meet "Puckleberry." You know what? I'd like to go there again. Anyway, the film makes all the guys jealous because they were all stars in her clip, unbeknownst to them. Love how Rachel's version of slutty is dueting with multiple guys, and the ultimate betrayal to Jesse is being forced to share the spotlight.
• When MC Hammer's minions decide to admit that they posted the video to finally get the bad rep they so desire, it backfires: rather than a punishment, they only get Sue's gratitude. Seems somebody got an encouraging call from Olivia Newton-John, offering to remake the music video with her. When it becomes the next viral hit, Sue gives her profits to the nursing home. You know you awwed so hard at that.
• After Emma's epic showdown, rumors of Will's activity spreads though the school. Despite his presentation of guilt flowers, Emma won't take him back. I like this for two reasons — because the two damaged people they are do need some time to figure themselves out, and because they need the separation to get the tension back. In any case, it's in Will's shaming that
  he finds the glist maker: Quinn! Schue realizes that her fall from grace pushed her to make it. She thinks "a bad reputation is better than no reputation at all." Even so, Schue won't give her up to Figgins. Yes, Mr. Schuester is often a good teacher.
• Jesse dumps Rachel, spurring on one of the most amazing moments in an episode of amazing moments: "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Rachel totally nails it. But that's largely because this is one of my favorite karaoke songs to sing. Aaand now I've revealed too much.